i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
