I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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