Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Farmville is her only friend.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
