dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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