Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You have to summon your inner elephant
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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