PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
