What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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