I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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