Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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