I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
