filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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