I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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