Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
