I'll bet she douches with gravy.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
