can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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