Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
