Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
