y did u give ur computer a hand job?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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