I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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