"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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