I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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