tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
