i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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