I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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