it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
