it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
