Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
