his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
