im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
