20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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