as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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