I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
my liver is dry heaving
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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