Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So many bounce houses so little time
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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