Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
