i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
is it fun? or sober?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
