God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
