So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
