im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
