I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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