We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize