I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
they're like a gay fantastic four
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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