you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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