I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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