My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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