Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize