would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
