i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
