im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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