I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
