Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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