Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
