Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
