So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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