Banned from zoo.
Again?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
