Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
