Already got asked if we're dating
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
