My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
