I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i will never coherently bang her
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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