That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish i was in the wii world.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
