So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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