Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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