Me. At least after what I've been through.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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