it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
