clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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