hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
