btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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