I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
