I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Houston, we have a blender
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
