so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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