she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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