You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
