oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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