I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
