u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
