Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
pray to the hookup gods
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
