Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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